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    • Funny one liners and sayings

    jeffcc
    jeffcc Forum Participant Posts: 430 Participant
    edited November 2016 in Fun & Trivia #1

    Just thought i would try and interject some humour.:-

    If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

    Please feel free to add

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    Comments

    • cyberyacht
      cyberyacht Club Member Posts: 10,224
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      edited November 2016 #2

      If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

    • trellis
      trellis Forum Participant Posts: 1,102 Participant
      1000 Comments
      edited November 2016 #3

      If you break your leg doing that , don't come running to me .

    • Jood
      Jood Forum Participant Posts: 120 Participant
      edited November 2016 #4

      He'd rob you of your shoe laces and call you slop shoe!

    • jeffcc
      jeffcc Forum Participant Posts: 430 Participant
      edited November 2016 #5

      Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

    • G Cherokee
      G Cherokee Forum Participant Posts: 402 Participant
      100 Comments
      edited March 2017 #6

      Chopsticks is one of the reasons why the Chinese never invented custard 

    • G Cherokee
      G Cherokee Forum Participant Posts: 402 Participant
      100 Comments
      edited March 2017 #7

      I have kleptomania,

      When it gets really bad,

       

      I take something for it

    • peegeenine
      peegeenine Forum Participant Posts: 548 Participant
      edited March 2017 #8

      I used to be indecisive but I'm not so sure now. 

    • JCB4X4
      JCB4X4 Forum Participant Posts: 466 Participant
      100 Comments
      edited March 2017 #9

      I'll take my hand off the side of your face!!

    • papgeno
      papgeno Forum Participant Posts: 2,158 Participant
      1000 Comments
      edited March 2017 #10

      My Grandma used to say "Self praise is no recommendation " the perfect put down to anybody blowing their own trumpet.

    • ABM
      ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578 Participant
      1000 Comments
      edited March 2017 #11

      The  only  time  the  World  beats  a  path  to  my  door  is  when  I'm  in  the  Bathroom

    • brue
      brue Forum Participant Posts: 21,176 Participant
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      edited March 2017 #12

      Knowledge is knowing a tomato is fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    • robsail
      robsail Forum Participant Posts: 1,441 Participant
      1000 Comments
      edited April 2017 #13

      A  politician's role expands to take up the time available

      (Gosh that's not so funny!)

    • papgeno
      papgeno Forum Participant Posts: 2,158 Participant
      1000 Comments
      edited April 2017 #14

      A variation of Parkinson's Law

      I'm reading a book on antigravity. I can't put it down .

    • brue
      brue Forum Participant Posts: 21,176 Participant
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      edited April 2017 #15

      Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

    • bobpjones
      bobpjones Forum Participant Posts: 8
      edited April 2017 #16

      I once tried that and missed the ground 

    • ABM
      ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578 Participant
      1000 Comments
      edited April 2017 #17

      How  many  boxes  of  these  "Thin Mints"  do  i  have  to  eat  before  I  start  to  see  some  results  undecided  ??

    • DSB
      DSB Club Member, Member Moderator Posts: 6,010
      1,500 Likes 1000 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
      edited May 2017 #18

      I still remember with fondness Eric Morecambe in a sketch with Andre Previous,  if my memory serves me correctly - "I'm playing all the right notes,  but not necessarily in the right order" - classic!  The number of times I've quoted that...... 😂 

      David 

    • NoseyBarkers
      NoseyBarkers Forum Participant Posts: 3
      edited June 2017 #19

      Sorry in advance if a bit rude..

       

      "Its a good A**e the speaks out loud but a bad A**e that speaks out of turn.

    • mickysf
      mickysf Club Member Posts: 6,599
      2,500 Likes 1000 Comments Name Dropper
      edited June 2017 #20

      I'm the boss in our house and I've Mrs SF's permission to say so!

    • mickysf
      mickysf Club Member Posts: 6,599
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      edited June 2017 #21

      Topiary? You can cut that out!

    • brue
      brue Forum Participant Posts: 21,176 Participant
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      edited June 2017 #22

      It took me two hours before I realised my pot of herbs had gone missing. I thought "No way? Where's the thyme gone......" 

    • Freelander359
      Freelander359 Forum Participant Posts: 107 Participant
      100 Comments
      edited June 2017 #23

      "Went to my allotment and found that there was twice as much soil as there was the week before. The plot thickens."

    • mickysf
      mickysf Club Member Posts: 6,599
      2,500 Likes 1000 Comments Name Dropper
      edited June 2017 #24

      My friend opened an origami shop. His business folded! 

    • mickysf
      mickysf Club Member Posts: 6,599
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      edited June 2017 #25

      He then went on to open a macrame shop. Alas he knew knot what he was doing!

    • brue
      brue Forum Participant Posts: 21,176 Participant
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      edited June 2017 #26

      laughing

    • ABM
      ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578 Participant
      1000 Comments
      edited June 2017 #27

      England  has  no  Kidney  Bank,  but  it  does  have  a  Liverpool.

    • 63ellsbells
      63ellsbells Forum Participant Posts: 138 Participant
      100 Comments
      edited July 2017 #28

      He is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

    • 63ellsbells
      63ellsbells Forum Participant Posts: 138 Participant
      100 Comments
      edited July 2017 #29

      I could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?

    • ABM
      ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578 Participant
      1000 Comments
      edited July 2017 #30

      don't  worry  about  Old  Age --  it  doesn't  last

    • mickysf
      mickysf Club Member Posts: 6,599
      2,500 Likes 1000 Comments Name Dropper
      edited July 2017 #31

      Having a Parisian mother and father from Warsaw he then thought a French Polish shop would work. However, he rubbed up the customers the wrong way and they didn't take a shine to him.

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