Funny one liners and sayings

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  • Rocky 2 buckets
    Rocky 2 buckets Forum Participant Posts: 7,101
    1000 Comments
    edited September 2021 #92

    Self defence 101-if attacked by a group of clowns always go for the juggler.

    if there was a pill to cure procrastination I’d probably take it tomorrow.

  • papgeno
    papgeno Forum Participant Posts: 2,158
    1000 Comments
    edited September 2021 #93

    (a new take on an old proverb)

    Constipation in the thief of time, diarrhoea waits for no man.

  • papgeno
    papgeno Forum Participant Posts: 2,158
    1000 Comments
    edited October 2021 #94

    I don’t need google, my wife knows everything.

  • Talktourer
    Talktourer Forum Participant Posts: 30
    edited November 2021 #95

    One I use regularly...

    It's a good life if you don't weaken!

  • Talktourer
    Talktourer Forum Participant Posts: 30
    edited November 2021 #96

     favourites of mine..

    Behind every man there is a good woman!

    What's mine is my own and what's yours is between us... frequently said to the husband

    as is,  It's not often you're right.. but you're wrong again! 

     

     

  • ABM
    ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578
    1000 Comments
    edited November 2021 #97

    ?? Is an argument between vegans  still called  " A Beef " ??

  • cyberyacht
    cyberyacht Forum Participant Posts: 10,218
    1000 Comments
    edited November 2021 #98

    If at first you don't succeed, forget skydiving

  • ABM
    ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2021 #99

    Ahh surprised  ~~ Short term memory loss there CY --  You were the first to reply back in November 2016  ~~ And with that self same quip too  wink

  • cyberyacht
    cyberyacht Forum Participant Posts: 10,218
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2021 #100

    That's the trouble with these type of threads. I suppose recycling is good for the carbon footprint of the pixels or something.

  • papgeno
    papgeno Forum Participant Posts: 2,158
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2021 #101

    The chap who invented cats eyes saw a cat coming towards him, if the cat had been going the other way he’d have invented the pencil sharpener 

  • papgeno
    papgeno Forum Participant Posts: 2,158
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2021 #102

    Dear Doctor, those pills you gave me to make me stronger are no good, I can’t get the top off the bottle

  • cyberyacht
    cyberyacht Forum Participant Posts: 10,218
    1000 Comments
    edited January 2022 #103

    Asteroids - an affliction of constipated donkeys

  • brue
    brue Forum Participant Posts: 21,176 ✭✭✭✭✭
    1000 Comments
    edited March 2022 #104

    Gardening News

    This week. A plane carrying 15 tons of rhubarb had to do a forced landing.

    Yesterday. My OH was finally discharged from hospital, he mistook a daffodil bulb for an onion. However the hospital were right when they told me he'd be out in the Spring....☀

  • ABM
    ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578
    1000 Comments
    edited October 2022 #105

    Masks are the new BRA !!

    They are uncomfortable

    You only wear them in public

    And when you don't wear one ~~ Everybody notices !

  • ABM
    ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578
    1000 Comments
    edited October 2022 #106

    If you are spending £2 on a bottle of Smart water  ~~  It ain't working  !!

  • ABM
    ABM Forum Participant Posts: 14,578
    1000 Comments
    edited October 2022 #107

    I told my luggage that there will be no vacation this year -

    - now I'm dealing with emotional baggage

  • GEandGJE
    GEandGJE Forum Participant Posts: 507
    100 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited December 2022 #108

    My local cemetery has just confirmed that the man who invented the Crossword is buried there and from the entrance gate you can just see his headstone, it's four down and three across. 

  • TimboC
    TimboC Club Member Posts: 422 ✭
    250 Likes
    edited December 2022 #109

    I've just finished reading an excellent book.

    Its called 'Fights on a Narrowboat' by RG Bargy

  • Bazdownes
    Bazdownes Forum Participant Posts: 6
    edited June 2023 #110

    I was going to use my initiative but nobody told me to.

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