The Famous Five's Caravan Adventure

No, nothing to do with the series currently being aired on Ch5 but I was tidying up my Notes and deleting old stuff from my Pad when I came across this from years gone by. It’s as relevant now as it ever was . Only the name of the club has changed.

The Famous 5 were overjoyed when Dad joined the Caravan Club, they heartily discussed the places they wanted to visit and the awfully big adventures they'd have. Timmy was coming too, as they'd all read of the Caravan Club's great dog friendly reputation. As the day came closer for them to set off, their excitement grew, Dad was taking them in his new Caravan. Cheese and Jam sandwiches were packed. . . .Not forgetting the lashings and lashings of Ginger Beer, not Crabbies, Dad said it's only for grown ups with lashings and lashings of money. Dad is such a spiffing driver he got there 20 minutes early, the 5 of them excitedly cheered at their good fortune having such a good driver, even Timmy gave out a happy bark. They all wondered at the amount of other Caravans & motorised Caravans in front of them joyfully hooting their horns in excitement at getting to the Caravan Club site. Dad said it wasn't very good to hoot the horn and the Famous 5 all gave each other knowing looks as they decided to find out why. Mystery #1 and they'd not even got in. . . .what joy. Dad had a problem parking to the peg, but Julian, Dick, Anne, George and even Timmy thought it must be a top hole parking job as they could see all the other wonderful guests sat watching him and smiling, good old Dad saves the day. As Dad set up the caravan the 5 took out the hula hoops to play with. In a very short while Julian had to point out to one motorised caravanner that he'd got Julian's name wrong as Dick was over near Dad's caravan and his surname wasn't 'Head'. They all decided to take Timmy to the Dog walking area so he could meet some four legged chums. They met the Warden 2 minutes after they set off on the 'Dog walk adventure' the Warden said He'd got 7 complaints of Timmy doing His business all over other campers' pitches but George pointed out Timmy had not had time to do anything. The Warden checked and agreed. That's mystery #2 to solve - who saw Timmy doing his business when clearly he didn't, it's so exciting. The 5 continued to marvel at the friendliness of the campers and what a thoroughly spiffing time was had and they'd only been at the Caravan Club site for 1 hour. They all gave 3 cheers for the Caravan Club as it’s such a friendly happy club.

After Timmy had explored the Dog walk and met some chums, Julian, Dick, Anne and George had talked with other dog lovers, they all agreed what thoroughly wonderful people dog lovers are. They then decided to set off back to the caravan to see if Dad had finished. On the way back they were stopped by a jolly gentleman in a Biggles hat, flying jacket and scarf that seemed to be blowing in the wind as it was stuck out at right angles without any wind blowing. That’s mystery #3. The gentleman pointed out that Dad had to be off the Caravan Club site before 12 midday on departure date, they all thanked him heartily for his assistance and promised to tell Dad of this rule. They also made a note to ask Dad what 'Warden's discretion' was, the gentleman said it was a fib put about by 'freeloading pitch blockers' the Famous 5 had just found mystery #4, what does a 'freeloading pitch blocker' look like. Huzzah for the Caravan Club with its wonderfully helpful happy campers. It’s such a happy place to be. The Famous 5 saw a huge bus like motorised caravan. As they approached and stared in wonderment a gentleman walked to the edge of the grass of his pitch to congratulate the 5 on their excellent choice of Clark's shoes. He pointed out to them that his motorised vehicle cost more money than Dad had ever seen in his life. He also said that the Caravan Club wasn't very good and he only stopped on his way to Europe where everything was so superior. Apparently You can spend a week in Europe on a site with a swimming pool, restaurant, maid service and bread delivery everyday for only €3 per day. As they left the nice man they thanked him for the education and knowledge he shared. They all agreed that they didn't understand a lot of what the nice man had said but agreed he must be very important and very rich, what a spiffing chap he was. The education continued as the Famous Five got close to Dad's caravan, Timmy had strayed onto a bit of grass with one of his paws when an elderly gentleman opened the window and told them they shouldn't let Timmy walk all over his pitch. They all rejoiced in the help fellow campers offered young people who visit the wonderful Caravan Club sites. That conversation also created mystery #5 - what is a 'bunch of Neanderthal tossers' they decided to ask Dad but secretly believed that a lot of Caravan Club members don't speak English as their first language.

 
Day 2 of the awfully big adventure as the Famous 5 visit a Caravan Club site. Timmy had enjoyed a restful night on the end of the bottom bunk with Anne. Everyone had a jolly good sleep thanks to the nice quiet Caravan Club site. Dad was in front of the Caravan with the Warden talking. It seems that some fellow Campers had heard dogs barking and howling throughout the night and the Warden seemed to think it was Timmy. George said we may need to see Dr Foster for a hearing test when they get home because Timmy was in the Caravan but they heard nothing, our hearing may not be as it should be. Julian made a note to thank the ever helpful Warden for pointing out their possible hearing problems. Dad told the Famous 5 he'd be cutting their stay at the Caravan Club short and they'd be leaving today before 12 noon. The 5 found that very sad as they'd met some very helpful campers who'd gone out of their way to help them. They collected their towels and soaps to go to the shower block. As they approached the expensive bus the rich gentleman told them they should use their own facilities that's what they're there for. Julian pointed out they had none in the caravan, the gentleman then spent 30mins telling them how good his facilities were. They thanked him again and moved on ensuring Timmy didn't step on any grass. Back at the caravan Dad began to prepare to leave. The 5 were under strict orders not to move from the pitch. Dad soon had everything packed, he was very quick. He wouldn't let them say goodbye to their jolly new chums around the site. Julian and Dick told the girls of the high standards in the shower block and how much fellow campers worked to keep the high standards. Julian was questioned about a hair that was found in the sink he'd just finished using. Dick had been questioned on whether he'd cleaned the toilet bowl after his visit to the cubicle too. What a thoroughly decent bunch the Caravan Club members are they agreed. Dad was very quiet as they slowly made their way to the barrier to start their journey home. The 5 were very impressed by the attitude to speed and safety of pedestrians, 3 campers told Dad to slow down as they walked passed the car and caravan. Dad told the 5 He was selling the caravan and would never visit a Caravan Club site again. Dad then said - "it's infested by GOG's who have no interest in the promotion of sociability but purely interested in making others' lives as miserable as theirs" Julian, Dick, Anne, George and Timmy didn't understand what Dad said but were jolly impressed he'd learnt the new language in 24hrs. The Famous 5 gave a rousing 3 cheers to Dad and the Caravan Club. Long may the Club and its sites thrive, they said.

 
Anon.