A Strangely Male Preserve!

I think that, by the very fact that you are logged into “Club Together ,” then we can safely say that you love camping.

There is just so much that is good about it isn't there? The ever changing view from your window. The getting away from it all. Talking to your neighbours for a change. The outdoors and fresh air.

And getting away from all those jobs you need to do at home! It is all so delightful.

I know that our non-camping friends may think we're mad in wanting to tow our homes behind us.

I just feel sorry for them as they pack their suitcases and then strain their backs dragging them around a railway station or worst, an airport.

“Ah”, they say. “What about the luxury of a 4 Star hotel?” “You never experience that”. Well, I think I can happily forgo the delights of a lumpy mattress where hundreds before me have probably done unspeakable things! I heard on Radio 4 that bed bugs are on the increase and that bed bugs simply adore 4 and 5 Star hotels. Yuk! And I haven't even started talking about showers that run cold halfway through and room service barging in as you struggle to pull on your trousers.

So, I think we have established that we all love camping. But, is there anything about camping you hate? Can you think of a downside?

Well, I can actually. As the slightly smelly, greeny brown sludge goes slowly down the drain and I stand there holding my Thetford Cassette trying to look as if I'm really holding a rather posh, leather briefcase I can certainly think of one. Yes, it is that slightly unpleasant job of emptying the jolly old cassette toilet. The best job in the World!

I always pick my moment to visit the quaintly named “Disposal Point” - midnight if I got my way -  

so as to avoid meeting anyone else! Is there anything worse than standing there rinsing out unmentionable things with a fellow camper making small talk whilst waiting to use the facilities after you've finished?

The “best” emptying point I ever used must have been in France. Weirdly, it was contained in a small raised podium so that the whole embarrassing thing could be viewed by campers all around the campsite. In fact, most had positioned their chairs and deckchairs to face this small stage so that they could enjoy the performance whilst enjoying a glass of the local, reasonably priced, wine!

In Sweden I came across a “high-tech” automatic emptying point. It was conveniently contained in a pleasant purpose built cubicle. I thought I had discovered a sort of “cassette toilet emptying heaven” - well, that was until I must have misread the operating instructions which were in Swedish! As I read it you simply placed the emptying spout over a sort of spout and pressed a large green button. It said that the contents would be vacuum removed, sluiced and rinsed hygienically

without any risk of personal contamination. Well, that is what my poor knowledge of Swedish managed to translate! I did as it said and pressed the button. An amber light illuminated and swishing and gulping noises emitted loudly from the shiny stainless steel apparatus.

What seemed like minutes passed and then it all went quiet. I was truly impressed! Unlike my usual conventional experience my hands remained clean, the inevitable blob of something dubious that normally splashes onto my bottom lip had not happened. I was a happy bunny indeed!

I removed my cassette from the spout thing and was just about to screw on the end cap. Suddenly the apparatus gurgled loudly. Before I could register what was happening a second amber light glowed and the rinse cycle commenced! Needless to say I emerged from the cubicle well-rinsed!

I was soaked to the skin, absolutely drenched. A worst than usual cassette empting experience.

I hope this helps you get a flavour of both my love and hate of camping.

Don't even get me on why “toilet empting” remains an almost male preserve …......!!