Awnings - are they really a Divorce in a Bag?
A Divorce in a Bag
This description can be applied to any awning from any manufacturer.
Unpacking is always the moment of truth….was it thoroughly dry when it was packed up after the last use… if not the smell of mildew will invade your nostrils ….the first opportunity to start the recriminations
If like us you only use the full size awning for the 2 week main summer holiday outing, then the grey cells can take a while to remember the ‘how to erect’ procedure.
We get all the poles out of their separate stowage bag and lay them out in roughly the correct area alongside the caravan for ease of use later. It is at this stage of the process when you find out that you may have left one of the smaller poles which hold the canopysection at the last location you used it; another opportunity for recriminations
Then the main section of the awning is moved to the front end of the caravan for the amusing awning channel feeding part of the process. We found out the hard way that without the copious application of awning rail lubricant both into the rail and also on the beading; the awning will not budge when it has been inserted more than half a metre (18 inches in old money). Where is the awning rail lubricant…I thought you had packed it….more recriminations
When you have huffed and puffed and cursed and bleeped a bit at each other and the awning is now inserted fully into the channel on the caravan, then the real fun begins….How does the weather know that now is the time for a few friendly gusts of wind with the addition of a spot or two of rain to assist you (or otherwise) with the process? I told you that we should /should not have waited….more recriminations
When assembling the framework do you start at one corner or do you start in the middle and work out to either side….how did we do it last time…can’t remember that was 12 months ago yet more cursing and bleeping!!! It was so much easier when the smalls came along with us and were able to hold a section or was it?
Finally it is all together and you have installed all the side panels…you did remember to bring them didn’t you?
Now it is time to start the pegging out process did you put the peg bag in the car or caravan…no I thought that you had done that!!!! What about the lump hammer, wooden mallet rubber mallet and claw hammer that we always bring….oh dear looks like they got left behind too?
Can you keep the side panels closed while I’m trying to peg the awning down if you have to keep opening the damn thing I will never get it done and it’s started raining again ggggrrrrrrrr
So if you’ve got this far and still everything has gone swimmingly there is still chance for things to go wrong….Did you remember the awning skirt and that little length of figure of 8 plastic strip to fix it to the wheel arch cover…you didn’t forget either of those bits too did you?
Time to sit down and have cup of tea or perhaps something stronger still after getting it all set up and having remembered the important things like the curtains....you’re sure you left them by the back door so why didn’t you put them in the car or caravan then?
If you’re still talking at this point, congratulations….if however all communication is via a 3rd party along the lines of …..tell your mum……tell your dad…..or worse still via solicitors letters then you may be able to guess that the relaxing break you had looked forward to is perhaps not going according to plan.
All is not lost though the best is still to come…there is the fun of taking it down....when to do so....night before departure, afternoon before departure, morning of departure....will it be dry.... will it start raining will the wind pick up and press the awning so tightly to the side of the caravan that you cannot move it to slide it back out of the awning channel and the step you needed to help you is stuck inside the caravan…whose brilliant idea was it to put it there when we need it outside?
Where is the handbrush we need to sweep the leaves and bird presents off the roof panel…oh that’s inside the caravan too….ok
Then you have the joy of trying to remember how to fold it up and get it into a shape which vaguely resembles the dimensions of the storage bag.
Always try to remember to take all the pegs out of the ground particularly the rock pegs that look like huge nails with a little cross bar welded on….they can make a right mess of your caravan tyres if you drive off over one.
Check all round that no important little lengths of awning pole are lying in the grass you know you don’t want to go through all that arguing again next time you come to use it do you
If I had a Tenner for every time we have left some part of the awning at home or on site before coming home I would probably be able to retire now....
Comments
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Quote 'Always try to remember to take all the pegs out of the ground particularly the rock pegs that look like huge nails with a little cross bar welded on….they can make a right mess of your caravan tyres if you drive off over one.'
They can also speed up the divorce procedure whin the good lady walks into them in a pair of sandals. Particularly when (as she nurses a broken and bloodied toe' you helpully remark 'I keep telling you to wear sensible shoes!!'
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I've only got a little one, awning that is (I must stop saying that; the stock answer is always "So I've heard!") so it's easy for me to remember how to put it up (I must stop saying that as well). But usually before we go away I practice with it in
the garden. It doesn't make a good, solid erection (Oh I give up) but it enables me to erect the awning on my own when we get to the site. I liked your title Spannerdo, "Divorce in a Bag". Yuk, yuk! A very entertaining article. Cheers.0 -
Your article is great and so true of many occasions over the years when we have arrived on site full of holiday spirit that was dashed within 30 minutes but took hours to put right!!
Fortunately we only use a small awning now that I can erect myself without any help from Mrs R - it usually means that by the the time the awning is up she has everything sorted indoors and the brew is placed in my hand - perfect!!
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I can confirm this holds true even with a porch awning. Me to the boss, where is the bag of rock pegs darling, oh you mean those thingies that look like nails. yes dearest. Oh I have put them safely in the shed. Oh thankyou so much my angel, for I can not
now pin the damn awning down to the ground. try to find a tent /caravan supplys depot in Cirencester. Tom Tom and a 3G iPad helped (thanks to my employer) so now we have a double set of them thingies that look like nails.0 -
We are all the same, but thoughts of divorce are put aside when you and yours are sitting in awning (favourite tipple in hand) Getting a couple of hours free entertainment watching someone else going through the same. ;-]
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