Worra disgrace!!
Celebrations over the supposed felling of the world's oldest tree have been halted following the news that the wretched thing is still standing after 5,800 years!
Nearly 6 millenia of hogging the Peruvian rain forest, sucking up all the goodness in the soil for a huge area, thus stunting the growth of other trees that have every bit as much right to flourish as this apallingly parasitic manifestaion.
What a complete waste of timber! - in a resource hungry world this huge past-its-sell-by-date giant could have provided enough cocktail sticks to keep the world amply supplied for the forseeable future - instead of which, it continues to leech the planet's nutrients and hinder progress!
*This* is what happens when we allow 'enviromentalists' and 'friends of the earth' to put trees above people!
What about 'friends of timber products?', you might justly enquire - why do their voices remain unheard?
Let's hope that common sense prevails, and that this monstrosity is not allowed to hinder Peru's economic development for another 6,000 years!
Sincerely,
Senor Diego Loggo
CEO, Peruana Coporation Desarrollo
Peruvian Development Corporation